Things to Consider

Try to remain calm and act civil to your spouse

Remember, if you share children with your spouse, you will be attending graduations, parties, weddings, and funerals together in the future. It is crucial for your children to see you act civilly to each other. Take a beat before you yell at or email your spouse when you are angry or upset. 

The divorce process can be lengthy- and difficult both emotionally and financially. It is best to arm yourself with a support system and plan ahead. 

Your Children:

It is crucial that you make a plan as to how to reduce the impact of the divorce on your children’s lives. When a divorce moves forward, something we get caught up in the “fight” and lose focus on the children. Combative divorces are damaging to children, and making a concerted effort to think about what is in their best interests will go a long way.

You will also want to consider how you will divide the parenting time with the other parent. Do not involve the children in any fighting over this issue, and NEVER ask them to take sides. You need to remember, for better or worse, the other parent is the only “mother” or “father” they have. You do not want to damage that relationship as it will cause problems for your children later.

If the children have always lived with you, keep them in your care. It is much smarter to remain with your children until you work out a temporary parenting plan. Also- be sure that you know the children’s teachers, counselors, doctors and other providers. If a custody dispute ensues, it is not good to have the school teacher, or a medical provider tell an evaluator that they have never met you.

Learn more about Child Custody in New York. 

After filing the divorce your attorney will ask you to start organizing the following documents:

• Three years of W2s and tax returns, 
• Three years of bank statements for every account in your name or an account in which you have an interest,
• Any and all investment statements, 
• Any and all retirement account statements,
• Three years of credit card statements for all credit cards in your name or for which you have an interest
• Life insurance policies (be sure not to remove your spouse from the life insurance policy any time immediately before the divorce or after filing. This will be done when the divorce is final),
• Statements for any and all stock accounts.

**** If your spouse is self-employed, and/or works “off the books'' it is essential to gather as much information as possible about the finances of their business. If you can, make copies of any useful financial information stored on your home computer or lying around the house.

Note that your attorney will have you complete a “Statement of Net Worth”. This is a document that will require you to list, among other things, 

• Your income, 
• Your assets, 
• Your debt, 
• Items you own or or have an ownership interest in, 
• Real estate that you own or have an ownership interest in, and 
• Your regular monthly expenses. 

Your attorney can assist you in completing this document.

Money may get tight….

If possible, try to have money saved to pay for your expenses for at least three months if you are the spouse with limited access to financial resources. Sometimes, spouses become angry when the divorce starts and it is not uncommon for the “monied” spouse to cut off the less monied spouse financially. 

Your attorney can make an application to the court to get you financial support, but it costs money and it usually takes time for the court to issue an order of support. Additionally, courts usually order the monied spouse to pay attorney’s fees. But this varies by jurisdiction, by the judge assigned to your case, and your personal situation.

A court will most likely award support and attorneys fees in a variety of situations, such as: 

• If the income differential between the parties is great, 
• If one spouse has not worked for many years, 
• If a spouse is caring for young children, 
• If one spouse is disabled
• If one spouse has supported the other throughout the marriage.

The above are only some of the considerations the court will take into account.

Have a Safety Plan if There is any History or Risk of Domestic Violence

If your spouse reacts in a violent manner in stressful situations, be prepared that when your spouse finds out that you want a divorce, they may become violent.

Additionally, some of the issues involved in the divorce process- for example, finances and decisions regarding the children- are typically highly emotional issues and may lead an individual who uses power and control and violence in emotionally charged situations to react in a dangerous manner. 

However, there are many resources and organizations available for victims of abuse.  Also, you may want to consider therapy, or domestic violence counseling. 

How to Choose an Attorney in New York 

You will want an attorney familiar with the jurisdiction in which the divorce is venued. You should research the attorney’s years of practice, skills and reputation.

You also want an attorney that you feel comfortable with. Divorce is a long, and often trying process, you want an attorney that responds when you contact them, listens to you, considers your ideas and feelings, and speaks to you in a way that makes you feel at ease, and not on the defensive.

It is critical to have the best representation during this very tough time in your life. Check the attorney's ratings on websites such as Google my Business and AVVO.com.

**** You should be immediately suspicious if your spouse advises you not to seek legal counsel, or asks you to “just sign off” on the divorce.

Surround Yourself with Supportive Family and Friends

You will need all the help and support you can get.

Attorney Dana Stricker will be by your side during this process. Call for a free consultation.